it feels like there is something that she can't let go
pause
rewind
the dark enveloped her tears and her sadness, and she bumped her face into her pillow. letting the tears wetting the pillow. prayers, hope, she had asked and she gave her all to Him to decide so her heart at least had a time to find its own beat again. to be truth, that was the first time she shut off the light for the night. she was afraid, yeah, afraid of darkness.
pause
rewind
she stepped on the fluffy white ground for the first time in her whole life. it was an indescribable experience ever. happy, cold, excitement, all mixed up together and she walked her way to the class, and she saw....
pause
present
today, the snow was too shy to show up. only debris of snow sometimes chilled the day. she was in her room, trapped by the chill, still. covering herself with the thick blanket she'd brought and used since her freshman day. she was the only one she guess, brought a set of comforter from malaysia. her mom was too worried she didn't get used to the cold and packed her an extra blanket and comforter. she miss her mom.
rewind *just a little bit this time*
it was yesterday. she felt pity for her and she couldn't hold her tears when she called her other friends. several people showed up and she was glad, she was grateful as she saw her smiles. *her* was a strong girl. sis, she will always support you. al fatihah.
pause
rewind
she had promised herself to stay strong in becoming a good muslimah. she tried hard to be one of the good muslimah, but when it comes to the matter of the heart, she dropped herself to the knee and without knowing, she bleed herself. she wished, to stay stronger and became stronger...for herself. Islam is the state of becoming, and not the state of being. becoming a muslim is continuously making yourself a muslim, but being a muslim making you stop once you feel enough.
pause
present
again, in this room. an empty heart, trying to build her mind and her soul. synchronized everything back in order. looking at the mirror..telling herself to keep awake and walk her life perfectly as what has been told in the Quran:
"Surely with difficult is ease."
"With difficult is surely ease."
[94:5-6]
maybe half understood what going on up there. but I guess there were lots of things going on. insyaAllah ease will come... =)
ReplyDeletea summary of what's going on lately..inshaAllah..=)
DeleteI wonder what was "an indescribable experience ever". should have described it more..
ReplyDeleteMay Allah ease everything..
haha..it was indescribable..*that cannot be described* (^_^")
Deletei wonder why your comment get into my spam?
haha..i don't know why..maybe it's because I know what "indescribable" means...? Or it might be something wrong with ur email setting?
Deletehmmmmm..that's weird...how do u know..? Or what did u know?
Delete(^_^")
haha.maybe I can read someone's mind? well, i'm just guessing. I know nothing.just kidding. May He ease u everything and grants the right 'he' for u.Don't worry, if 'he' is for u, no matter what will happen, he will be right there waiting for u...
ReplyDeletemaybe u really can read someone's else mind..? haha..inshaAllah..i don't feel like thinking about my other half just yet..the time will come when it is right for me and for 'him'..may Allah ease everything for u too..*i can read someone's else mind too..watch out..*=P
DeleteAlamak.looks like I need to be careful now. the main thing is 'he' doesn't have to be Mr.Perfect.well, if u want to find that kind of 'he' u'll never get him. the most important is piety. if u find that piety in him, it will suffice everything n he is the rest of your life.
Deleteyou r absolutely right..however...decision can be real tough sometimes and you r not sure if you r making the right choice. somehow, it is just too hard..ok, what am i saying?haha..inshaAllah, i'll take that into account..
Deleteseriously i am thinking why is your comment get into my spam but some other anon does not get into my spam..it is kind of giving me a hint of who u r, actually..(-_-")
owh..i bet this time my comment will not get into ur spam anymore. haha, looks like u're telling me what's really happening! the word 'indescribable' is now clear. thanks. mission accomplished!hihi
Deletethis isn't fair!...u trapped me..cis..
Deleteur comment still in my spam actually..hmmm...confused..(*_*")
em..it might be something wrong with ur email setting. or u hv marked me as 'spam'..well, it doesn't matter since I already understood ur stories.hihi.thanks for the info. emm..my advice is keep asking du'a. cause sometimes we did somethin that we didn't want to do.And the result is we keep regretting what hv we done.sometimes Allah will shows us 'sign' through our feelings too.May Allah ease everything..
ReplyDeletehow can someone marked an anonymous as spam?hmmmm...i'll take a look...=)thanx for the advices..=)assalamualaikum..
ReplyDelete