i need a hug!

i don't know when is the first time i start listening to Korean song. but, somehow, this is kind of what i feel right now. hehe. i hate being too dependent on human. it makes me feel weak. my friend actually sang me a song which was really unexpected. she is in UK, and i am here. i want to fly to UK to get a hug. haha. that's just ridiculous. i know that it's hard for me to be really close to other than my five girls. i've tried but it never feel the same. i have this problem ever since. i never be able to share my problem to other than these five. it just feel bad to cry over the night to wait for someone to actually knock on my door and hug me. LOL. angan angan. but that's what i need. i need a hug right now. just a hug. you don't even have to say anything. reading others blog also make me feel better. so, please update your blog. so i can read it. so i know some people out there are feeling the same. hikhik. i try to smile but it just feels weird with this swollen face. oh well, this is life. where people look for the outcome more than the effort itself. human need to evolve, we are creation. so, please evolve. but Allah never look for the outcome and it is never too late to start and ask from Him. i know He knows my effort *after crying sebaldi*. i want to be patience and to always think right. He's my Rabb, my sustainer, my everything. He knows me better than anyone else. i just feel bad to fall in love to other than Him. He gave me the same thing over and over because i didn't actually pass it last time. He give chance again to me this time, but it seems like i don't really pass with flying colors too. but it's getting better over time. inshaAllah. being sad and crying make me realize that i have to get up and get back to work as there's no one to pat my head just like my onii-chan. i have a lovely brother even he does not really show it. he never posted on my facebook wall too. never mind, i'll feel really bad if he does that. haha. i'll work harder next time, with hope that i will pass Allah's test, inshaAllah. 

i know i have to move myself, read and research, gain knowledge, seeking knowledge, put hope and trust to Allah. when you feel great, you turn to Him, when you feel bad, you also turn to Him. that is modesty. it's already late, i should get back to sleep. haha. i feel guilty to myself if i didn't get enough sleep *extra will be just fine..haha* tomorrow morning will be a new day, with a new light, a new fresh air, a new me perhaps. Allah is just so lovely. how can people don't fall in love with Him?

"I gave my Heart to the Dunya and the Dunya repaid me with sorrow and restlessness... I gave my Heart to Allah and Allah repaid me with content and joy"

be strong wani..be strong..
don't fall down just yet..
don't give up..
there's a lot more way for Islam..
that's not the only thing..

Alhamdulillah

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, most merciful

alhamdulillahirabbil a'lamin..subhanallah

i am absolutely in a very good mood today, if not, i wouldn't have a gut to write on this early morning. i drank a big glass of milk just now, and i feel great about it. why? i think that's the first time i really drank that much milk at one time, and also, my first time feeling so much ni'mat in that glass of milk. i read a blog this morning, a story of a revert. she was so strong and i believe i should too. she faced too many things. she used to be an A student before becoming a muslim, but a failure after becoming a muslim. her family is rejecting her. but, she is still a muslim. i feel so touched. how can she be so strong. the reason is her firm believe in Allah. subhanallah.

"Adakah manusia mngira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan hanya dengan mngatakan, "Kami telah beriman," dan mereka tidak diuji?" [29:2]
"Maka apakah kamu mengira bahawa kami menciptakan kamu main main (tanpa ada maksud) dan bahawa kamu tidak akan dikembalikan kepada Kami?" [23:115]

why shouldn't i be strong? i should be.
i don't have difficulty to practice my religion, i don't have difficulty to stand up and say i am a muslim. but yet, sometimes, i just forget how Allah had set my life, plan it well according to my ability to face it. doesn't He the Just and the Most Merciful?

when i fall, He fetch me with His wonderful soothing words
when i cry, He send me someone to make me feel better with His words
when i am about to give up, He ask someone to tell me, "Never give up with Allah"
Don't you think He is the perfect lover?
who can love you the way He loves you?

Dear future baby, don't be mad if daddy did this to you. he just want you to grow up faster.
*sekadar gambar hiasan*


so, goodbye for now. may Allah bless all of you..=)

Heartwashing

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, most merciful..

i am still the old me. i still not get it to the point that i have to be a full time Muslim, there is no such thing as a part timer. i know, i feel, how time make me crawling over my path and struggling to make me feel better about myself. people are struggling to be better day by day and i am still hiding.

the negativity never going to bring me anywhere. as i expected, nothing good will happened in return for a bad negative thinking. i tried, i tried, i tried, i asked, i asked, i asked, but it just not yet to be answered. i tried everyday, telling myself to be good. don't do anything bad and tried to cover myself properly. but sometimes, i just failed. the failure lure me to be ignorant. i know i should get on my knee, as soon as possible.

oh angin
terbangkan aku ke suatu tempat yang aku dapat merasa aman
terbangkan aku jauh dari mehnah kehidupan yang membelit
terbangkan aku ke suatu tempat di mana manusia mencari tuhannya
terbangkan aku supaya aku bersama mereka

people who found islam because of Allah. it's a miracle. people who was born as a muslim should be more grateful. if i never meant to be a muslim, how pathetic my life will be. and still people don't really appreciate. ask, ask, and ask. ask till you get it. ask like a 2 year old baby, ask, ask, ask. Br. Chowdary words back from RIS was still lingering in my head.

i planned my life years ahead and i don't even know if i will given a life tomorrow.
i bought myself good, beautiful clothes and i don't even know if i ever got a chance to wear them again in the future.
"Everything that is more than what you eat and what you wear is a waste"

step has to be taken. messages have to be conveyed.
what did i bring with me up to my sleeve?



i have to *heartwashing* and brainwashing myself.

semakin malas

semakin malas

Death asked Life: "Why does everyone hate me but love you?" Life replied: "Because I am a beautiful lie & you are a painful truth"